I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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