I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Ketchup is God's man juice
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Randomize
