I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize