don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
