I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
