That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You can't just leave with hair like that
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
