shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize