hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
