i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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