In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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