I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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