Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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