Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
