what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
