Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
