If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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