Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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