Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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