If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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