Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
