The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
