I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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