That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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