dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Drunk is a universal language darling
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
