sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
