Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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