I wannas sexs uuuuu
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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