So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
