I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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