I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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