R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
