i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
