Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
