She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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