i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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