I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
