hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize