i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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