TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
