are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
