what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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