We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
