fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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