Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
