shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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