i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
