I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
