I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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