Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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