you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
