dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
