hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
