It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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