Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
