The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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