I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
