How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
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