So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
