I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize