Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
