So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
