Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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