when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
