When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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