Yo dont text me then not text me
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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