Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
