Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize