Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
