When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
