Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
