there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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