i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
