I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i just had sex bonerless
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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